Dreadlocked plumbers, ageing hippies, 25 exuberant kids and a Lib Dem Lord all cooped up together in a vegetarian retreat centre at a wedding where the newly married couple exited under an arch of skateboards. Iris Murdoch would have loved it. Both the bride's sisters are sehr lesbich, one was most formidable - impressively tattooed, and complete with Barcelonan partner called Angel who lectures on unwrapping the Japanese woman. She told me to go to a Japanese bath house, as long as I had no tattoos, as the Japanese believe they will pollute the water. Alex Carlile held forth on his 93-year old mother's dreadful suffering in the Warsaw ghetto and made uncalled for jokes about the size of his daughter's nose and the ability of my cousin's earrings to diminish them. His marvellous and very fashion conscious mother insisted on changing between the ceremony and the evening event and sported a splendid hat and cane. The bride's best friend bad-mouthed her son furiously for neglecting her so badly that she was eventually placed under medical supervision.